The Train of Life

I had fallen asleep when the train pulled into her station. She did not want to disturb me, I guess; she quickly and quietly went through the silver colored, opened doors. A few minutes later, I was awakened by the conductor, who, in my eyes..must have been wearing all black. "Your mother's gone," he said in a monotonous tone. In disbelief, I looked around, hoping she had left me a note. "Why didn't she tell me that her stop was approaching?" I cried. "I could have waved good-bye, or kissed her one last time!"

My mother died on January 31, 2013. 46 days, 18 hours, and 22 minutes ago. Rarely, do I keep track of time. Maybe, prior to my wedding day, I did. I may have also been in charge of the "Days Left" calendar, which Neil Golden and I put together some years ago, while working at McVey School. I wish I had known how many days were left in my sweet mom's life. I didn't know;even the night of her departure, came as a total surprise. No one said to me..."it's a matter of time." Had they, I would have been there, holding her hand.  Instead, we left that night, believing in our hearts, that mom was doing better and that we would see her in the morning! The phone rang: I was awoken by a stranger, a hospital resident.."Your mom's pulse and respiration ceased at 2 a.m." I had to figure out exactly what he meant by that. It took me a few seconds. My darling, my beloved mother had died. 

Mom and I, our family and friends, had traveled on the Train of Life together. Some got off the train, unexpectedly! The feeling of trauma accompanied their departure; never to be forgotten! At some stations, a new face joined us. We had prepared a seat for them..and their arrival was joyous, always. Some friends would tell us that they would be leaving at the next stop. We had time to sit next to them, and reminisce..remembering the highlights of the time we had spent together. Their 'getting off the train', although painful in some ways, was anticipated.

Many riders have 'come on and have gotten off' my life's train. Some have formed relationships with me; others sat at a distance and merely smiled at me. Each one, in some way, affected my ride. Some have helped me; none have taken away from me. On the contrary, each one has given me, in some way..(unbeknownst to them) a fiber of themselves, making me who I am today.

The rider who sat next to me, the longest, until she 'got off' was my mother.  Mom held me tightly as the train went through the darkest of tunnels. She sang to me, as golden bridges spanned so wide. Mother taught me to dance and sing and write poetry..things that made the ride fun. Along the way, of high mountains of success, and low valleys of sadness, mom was always there for me; I witnessed her confidence and her courage.

With each departure and with each arrival of a new rider, mom would remind me that the engineer was God..and only He knew the best way to get from point A to point B. Mother taught me many things..so why am I so sad that she had finally reached her destination? I am sad, because I didn't get a chance to flood her with more kisses and hug her throughout the night...as the train approached her stop. "Until we meet again, mommy...please know that I loved you and always will.