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My GPS is Driving Me Nuts!

I hope that others have yelled back at their GPS; certainly, it can't ONLY be me! Siri may have won this battle, but I refuse to lose the war!

In the driveway of my house "What do you mean there is no such street?!" I stared at the dashboard monitor, as if expecting a reply, from wherever it was that she was hiding. 

I glanced once again at the folded piece of paper that held my friend's address. Rubbing my chin with my thumb and forefinger, and possibly looking like Sherlock Holmes, I decided to try it just ONCE more..making it a total of four times!  After I entered the 'town,' I entered the 'street.' The screen displayed Rose Court, Rose Lane, but NOT Rose Street. 'OK..this is silly,' I thought to myself. 'I should just call Kathy, tell her that I inadvertently wrote the wrong address and could she please give it to me again.

Why was I wasting time playing with the GPS, when a barbecue was awaiting me! I spoke to Siri, who is, as far as I am concerned, the one IN-CHARGE of my car. "Phone."  ""Please select one of the following: Climate, Phone, Navigation or Other." Calmly..second time.. "Phone.""Home.  You have arrived at Home. Please select one of the following: Climate, Phone, Navigation or Other." Oh, jeez.

"Phone! Phone Kathy's phone!" "Phoning Carl Theison." "Cancel!" What is the matter with this?! "Phone.. Kathy." "Phoning Athey." "No!!! Cancel." "Canceling." Resolved that this would not work out..I blurt out.."Oh, my God!" "There is no listing for Oman Gud." 

At this point I want to reach into the mini-speaker and yank that ornery, little bitch out. I want to ring her little, itsy bitsy neck...but I realize that she is not really in there...and who ever IS behind the Emerald Green curtain, deserves a lashing, too. Regaining my composure, I glance out the windows, you know...to see if anyone has been watching 'the crazy woman in the car.' 

Free from inquiring eyes, I step out of the car, wrestling my over-sized bag for my cell phone, and I call Kathy's house phone. After 4 rings, the answering machine goes on. Thinking this must be Siri's idea of a joke, I do not leave a message. I hang up knowing darn well, that everyone is in her backyard munching on chips and dip, while the steaks are sizzling on the grill. I decide to call her cell. Glancing at my wrist watch, I see that the 'get together' started fifteen minutes ago.

The cell phone rings and I get happy when she picks up! "Hi." Pause. "I can't get to the phone right now..blah, blah, blah...you know what to do." And I did. I got back into my car and started driving to Plainedge. "Navigation." "Select one of the following: Climate, Phone, Navigation or Other." "Na-vi-ga-tion." "Please say one of the following: Climate, Phone, Navigation, or Other. Or you may select from the list on your screen." Is my enunciation so poor, that understanding me has been the problem?! Is it my Long Guyland accent?!!! 

Once, on Hempstead Turnpike, I made a left and proceeded EAST. "Navigation." "Please say the town, followed by the street and house number." "Plainedge, Rose Street, 2792." "Plainview, Rose Street. Repeat house number, for example, say, 5-2-8." I gave up..there was no communicating with this dumbass simulation. I say Plainedge; she responded with Plainview. Entering the town of Plainedge, and having been to Kathy's once before, I remember making a left by Singleton's. So, I made a left..at Singleton's. 

I force myself to make friends with Siri, by repeating slowly, and loudly, "PlainEDGE, Rose Street, 2-7-9-2." "Please select one from the listings." I glance at the monitor...1) Rose Court 2) Rose Lane. (Expletive!!!) I shout, "Rose Street!!! Rose Street!!! I want Rose STREET!!""Please state the town and the street, followed by the house number." "Cancel navigation." "Canceling navigation." She won. That little haughty twit, who pulls an attitude when you don't listen to her directions, and insists (for 5 traffic lights) that you should make a U-Turn whenever possible...has once again, won. I wondered if the inventor of the GPS had civilians, in mind, when he developed this tracking system. I highly doubt it.

I glanced at my digital clock on the dashboard..everyone should be eating by now.. steaks, potato salad, corn-on-the-cob, grilled zucchini. Frustrated and sad, too..I pulled over to the corner and made a right. I put the car in Park, and sat there, contemplating what to do next. No one likes feeling defeated by a lousy piece of technology!! I can't be alone in this! Others must talk back to their GPS, as well. I must have sat there for a few minutes, when I heard some people laughing. The voices were coming from across the street. I looked over and as I did, a little knuckle tapped on my window.

I looked up. I must have had a shocked look on my face. It was Kathy's husband!! Opening my door, he asked, "Are you coming in or what?" In complete, overwhelming joy, I smiled in TRIUMPH, and answered..."I'm coming in!"

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kristin pappas July 19, 2012 at 03:27 PM
Glad you enjoyed my story, Rich! When I was a youngster, during the Medieval Ages, I loved the study of Geography which included map study skills and orienteering. You are absolutely right about our children and their Smartphones/iPhones. Do they even sell "globes" anymore? :(
kristin pappas July 19, 2012 at 03:31 PM
Good morning, Nassau Taxpayer! I LOVE maps...however, remember when maps were sold at every corner gas station? I do. They are very difficult to find anymore. :(
paul July 19, 2012 at 03:53 PM
To kristin pappas: Trust me, I am much smarter than your GPS.... I will drive you next time... ;o)
Nassau Taxpayer July 19, 2012 at 04:45 PM
Yeah, they do sell "globes", and maps, and you can even print Google maps and driving directions from your confuser, or send them to your cellphone... They are the modern day AAA Trip-Tik...
A Pietro July 20, 2012 at 08:03 PM
This was such a funny story. I must admit this has happened to me several times. Now I know I am not the only one :)

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