You Say You Want A Rebel-ution

Because of my past experience with working in various arenas and stadiums in various locker rooms and support staff of various professional sports teams, a friend nicknamed “Hillbilly Grimm” recently wrangled me into agreeing to help be part of the S.C.R.E.W.S. (Stadium Crews Responsible for Event Workings and Setup) for the L.I.R.R.

No, not the railroad ...but the Long Island Roller Rebels — the women’s professional roller derby team who performs in front of hundreds of loyal fans at Safe Skate in Bethpage. Their first match of the 2012 season is on Feb. 11. Doors open at 6 p.m. with the starting whistle at 7 p.m. Check out their website.

This is an athletic activity that rivals the physicality of men’s hockey and rugby. The lady athletes all go by aliases and monikers such as Captain Morgan, Amaretto Sourpuss, Crashtastic Cate, Florence Fightin’ Gail, Kim Carla Dashian and Faye Tality, much like the participants in professional wrestling or Texas Hold ‘em.

These professional athletes are in an official Roller Derby League called the WFTDA (Women’ Flat Track Derby Association) and must adhere to strict rules and regulations regarding all aspects of their sport just like the NBA, NFL or NHL. They get fined otherwise.

These trained participants do what they do for the love of the game and their families, friends and fans. They all have regular day jobs as pet groomers, college students, accountants, tattoo artists, musicians and nurses with birth names like Cindy, Shelly, Betty, Roberta, and Yolanda.

On game night, they put on their game faces, game uniforms and gamely characteristics.

There is a lot of training that and details that goes into the actual field or track assembly and breakdown, locker room set-up and the rest that is done in between. Most fans haven't a clue how it works. With the Long Island Lizards, it was years of trial and error and accumulated knowledge. With the New York Titans, there was meeting after meeting, planning session after planning session, practice after practice and we still had to wing it during most games.

Here, with the Roller Rebels Roller Derby team, it is a little of both. All kinds things crop up during a professional sporting event and a great SCREW knows how to tap their “Inner MacGyver” and get the task done. It is why people in other sports venues ask for my help on a semi- regular basis and the people that I work with in lacrosse are top notch.

Generally, I can walk into a Walmart store and forget why I came there in the first place. Then I start to drive home and remember that I went there to buy memory foam pillows. But when you work in this situation, you have like 19 different tasks going at once and can’t forget to do one 100 percent correctly or someone might get hurt. This is generally as relaxing as a hot stone massage in Hades, but it is rewarding when done correctly. Servicing professional athletes, even the ones that are not as popular as Jeff Cumberland, Joba Chamberlain or Tamika Catchings, can still be a trip. Plus you have to answer to equipment managers, general managers, public relations reps, league officials and a whole lot more chiefs than Indians.

About this particular endeavor, someone close to the action once said “Roller girls are like Baby Ruth candy bars -rough and nuts on the outside, but sweet, soft and gooey on the inside. Most started out as fairy princesses, but evolved into rolling Muhammad Ali’s with fishnets, helmets and the flare of feminism. But to appreciate them you have to see them in action.”

All in all, for the price of a 3-D movie ticket, you could be entertained, thrilled and educated a bit. I hope you decide to check it out, I’m sure you will be glad you did. Just BYOFC (Bring Your Own Folding Chair) and show up early for a great spot.