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Health & Fitness

With A Rebel Yell

You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream. But for some athletic events, a knit hat and scarf are optional.

I recently was having a boredom aneurysm and decided to actually attend a professional athletic event...one where I could mingle amongst the masses undetected.

Having worked the grounds crew for pro sports for over 10 years and visiting a host of stadiums and arenas in that time (and my new computer blogger status) has made it difficult to go undetected at many events. Sometimes I like to blend in to the crowd and listen to their conversations about the world at large. It can be very entertaining.

It seems that there is no other time where people feel an open camaraderie with complete strangers and a need to share vulgar observations than at a sporting event (And it is not always because of the beer). It could be Pop Warner Football or NCAA Basketball or Major League Baseball, the Bleacher Creatures are still the same. And what affects those adults in Madison Square Garden are the same as those at Mile High Stadium, Mitchel Field and Michigan “Big House” Stadium.

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So today I decide to pay a visit to the L.I.R.R. (not the railroad, silly...But the Long Island Roller Rebels! The Women’s Professional Roller Derby at Safe Skate on Long Island. Check out their _website._

Now here is an athletic activity that rivals the physicality of men’s lacrosse and rugby. The players all go by aliases and monikers such as Captain Morgan, Carnage Electra, Tripsy Rose Lee, Eve L. Taco and Loofa Vandross if you catch my drift.

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These pro athletes do what they do for the love of the game and their families, friends and fans are there for the love of the participants. They all have regular day jobs as hairdressers, college students, bank tellers, tattoo artists and nurses with birth names like Sue, Kelly, Betty, Louisa ,Robin etc.

But on game night they change into their other persona like a ‘B’ movie Schizophrenic. This is much like the WWE as to the way it is presented. The erudite announcer will say things like  “Having just been voted off VH-1’s reality show Who Wants To Marry a Vampire, ladies and gentlemen welcome please Cyanide Kisses." And super fans will jingle their cowbells.

Now on this particular night, I was actually lucky enough to sit amongst the parents and siblings and relatives of these rolling adrenaline junkies.  I asked many questions about the activity. Why do they wear old-fashioned roller skates instead of roller blades? Others about the participants themselves (as one of my astute blog responders once said, "Excuse me, but as a child did they have a couple of drinks from Not That Well?"

But you would be surprised know that these hard core harlots of the rumble and tumble track had normal upbringings for the most part.

One dad said of his Jammer daughter that it was not her growing up who held the Guinness World Record for spending the most times in a parental disciplinary time-out situation, but her older sister instead. One mom said her Blocker Babe daughter was an avid reader from an early age. She loves literature, which was instilled at infancy. She loved being read to, even as far back as in the womb. Now who doesn’t love Womb service?

One proud Papa said “Rollergirls are like a Baby Ruth candy bar -rough and nuts on the outside, but sweet, soft and gooey on the inside. Most started out as fairy princesses, but evolved into a NHL Hockey player with fishnets and the flare of Feminism.”

While on the other hand, another mom discusses the lumps and bruises and health risks with an empathic fear. (Fact-I observed one gal that was carted away on a rolling stretcher into an ambulance with a broken ankle during pre-game warm-ups that night). If it was so good for your health and heart to run, jump quickly and get your blood pumping rapidly, why does a rabbit live 15 years and a tortoise live over 100 years?  They all chuckled aloud.

All in all, for the price of a 3-D movie ticket, I could be entertained, awed and educated a bit. Well worth it in my opinion, so I am actually looking forward to next time. Except maybe next time with a bit  “More Cowbell!”

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