When A Murder Has Nothing to do with A Killing

Recently I was talking to my son about future careers.

My son loves teaching kids sports with a capital ‘L’.  He always has. He is a natural on any court, field, arena, stadium, etc. Now you add children to the mix and automatically the sun comes out and doves fill the sky.  

He was telling me a story of the fun and excitement he experienced working a sports clinic with some children with learning disabilities. As he was regaling his wonderful experience, I made a comment that was similar to, “I bet that at first it was like Herding Cats.” He quickly responded with “Clowdering, Dad!” Then I replied, “What has the cumulus weather have to do with this conversation?” “No, dad,” corrected my son. “A group of cats is called a clowder, not a herd.”

Now I consider myself a fairly educated person, but I never heard of that, which goes to show that the East Meadow Education System is really on the ball.

I have heard of a Pack of wolves and rats. But he goes on to tell me that a pack of camels refers to cigarettes and that a caravan or train is indeed a group of camels, as in the animals.

Visiting our relatives working farm in Upstate New York has taught me about a flock of chickens, sheep and turkeys, a raft of ducks, a gaggle of geese and a colony of rabbits. A clutch refers to a part of the tractor as well as a group of chicks.  

We are talking chickens with feathers, not female humans, which are called a clique. A drift refers to a windblown area of snow as well as a group of pigs. A wake refers to what you do when the sun rises as well as a group of vultures. So it goes without saying that visiting a working farm will teach you much more than how to pitch hay or chop wood.

My son goes on to elaborate, “Remember when you feed the wild birds our by the tree in our front yard? Remember all the sparrows, finches, blue jays, orioles, cardinals (sounds like the gathering of sports teams to me) come to eat the seeds and nuts and worms?  Remember how the groups of squirrels and crows that comes to chase them away and eat the food instead? Well the group of small wild birds is called a charm, the group of squirrels is called a dray, the group of crows, believe it or not, is called a murder (which has nothing to do with a killing or a CSI investigation) and the group of worms is called a clew (pronounced like clue, which obviously I do not have, when it comes to things like this).

So it seems that there are many specific names for groups of specific animals and that you do not have to be Jack Hanna or Steve Irwin to know them, just a graduate of the East Meadow School District. Because in Brooklyn, a Murder involved a violent, pre-meditated death. A Clew leads detectives to the killer. A wake is what the family had for the victim before the funeral. A business was what the killer got upon conviction. However, with my son — the educator — it seems that a business is also a group of ferrets. So much, for the adventures of captain Smarty-pants!