The Local Look: When is a Sport Not a Sport?

There is a lot of hoopla recently about School budget votes and State budget cuts and School Boards threatening to cut programs like music, arts and sports- all because our lawfully elected Governor is a skinflint.

I remember a few years ago , when their original  budget did not pass, the Plainedge School Board’s contingency budget cut all their school sports and it was up to the PTA and the residents there to raise enough money to reinstate them, which they did, and I applaud them publicly for that.

Recently I got into a related discussion at a local EM pub surrounded by the scholars and statesmen that normally congregate in a place that serves $2 brewskis with more than ten LCD TV’s playing 24/7 “Sports.”

The topic suddenly became “What is a Sport!”  Now it was our collective view that (1) a Sport requires two or more people on a side playing simultaneously, (2) a ball and (3) running (or a short distance sprint)... not a walk, jog or a leap. AND THAT IS ALL!  

Everything else is just an activity, a recreational event or a life reaction. So in my opinion Cheerleading is NOT A SPORT! Now  readers, don’t get your pom-poms in a bunch. Cheerleading is strenuous, athletic, precise, poised and coordinated. But so is Hip-Hop dancing and that is an activity, not a sport.

Jumping, running, tumbling,  and yelling is what you also do if your pants are on fire , but that does not make it a sport either.

Baseball, Football, Basketball,  Soccer, Lacrosse, Kickball,  Doubles Tennis – those are sports, because they fulfill all three rules. Hockey is a sport and it gets a sort of a pass here because it is played on ice ( you kind of run with skates and the ball has 2 ends cut of so it slides better,)  and the women’s version is Field Hockey and has lots of running and a ball . Now, I am sorry to burst your bubble here and do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but  almost everything else is NOT A SPORT. 

I get that this is like telling someone that Santa Claus , or the Easter Bunny or Klingons do not really exist, but like Edith Ann would say, “That’s the truthhhhhhhhh!”

With that in mind, I feel activities like Volleyball (no running) Bowling (one person), Gymnastics,  Archery and Track & Field require great skill ,but so does pet grooming and that is not a sport. Now the Alex Trebek of the evening chimes in as he pours another round of shots. He states that there is something wrong with a society that chooses anything competitive and makes it a "Sport." 

Car sales is competitive in the same dealership , but that’s a job and not a sport.  He laments over the “World Series of Poker “, “Puppy Bowl”, “Roller Derby Championships”, “Horseracing Derbys” and “Competitive Eating.”

One of the other Non-Mensa participants at the EM Pub chimes in , “Where is  Pro Competive Drinking?” (In College –I think to myself and giggle). And we all continue to add to the list. Swimming is not a sport, just think of the alternative ( drowning?). Running is not a sport, It’s what you do when you don’t want to get beat up. One gentlemen orator says, “NASCAR is not a sport, It’s a chore.

I drive at work each day making lots of left turns with a vehicle with a UPS logo on it, an trust me Dude- that Ain’t a sport.”

Fishing, hunting, cycling, skiing, golf are great activities, unless you’re the Bluefish or Trout. Wrestling is just Entertainment. It is an Circus Acrobatics for jocks.  And that is why Chris Jericho gets to dance with the stars.

So the next time you want to watch a sport, A REAL SPORT , remember the three commandments of what makes a sport. And then you can come and hang with the East Meadow Philosophers Society and we’ll even lend YOU the “Clicker.”