Holiday Updates from The Season's Greeted

The year is about to come to a close and the local economy is dropping faster than flocks of birds at a St. George, Utah Walmart.

Nassau County jobs are more rare than Indianapolis Colts victories and the Nassau County Police Department is thinner than the ice at RexCorp Plaza. Here is a list of Holiday Updates from The Season’s Greeted and (Long) Island of misfit officials to try to keep us faithful taxpayers by watching us when we are sleeping and awake with red light cameras.

County Executive Santa Claus will lay off hundreds of union elves and reindeer on Dec. 29 in an effort to get his finances under control. The Unions have offered to give back some of the presents that they have received from prior years, but Santa’s assistant, Mr. Scrooge indicated that that would not be good enough.

It seems that Santa wanted all the presents back, or he would send people packing before the lighted ball dropped in Times Square. The fact that Santa has traded his sleigh for two collector muscle cars that he displayed at public parks this summer, seemed to not be an issue for his nightly rounds and chimney drops.

Town Supervisor Ms. Claus experienced a miracle when calling the photographers that would take pictures of her and Bobby Flayed at the ribbon cutting ceremony of his new Burger Pallet Palace Place in Garden City. Her new iPhone 4G-cell phone battery was supposed to last only one day and lasted eight days instead. WOW! This made the “festival of plights” much easier for the representatives at the cable TV Food Network who had to all fit into the photo ops with Ms. Claus, without the use of a wide angle lens.

County DA Frosty the Snowperson wanted an new full service, state-of-the-art, crime lab for the holidays, but apparently it did not make it to Santa’s list due to a virus on the Northern Boulevard Pole, where computers responding to the email: “problem with your Fed-Ex delivery” that when opened deleted important information like purchase orders, inter department requisitions, evidence locker reports and Facebook friends.

She recently issued local elf clerks a stern warning, “You must see proper legal resident paperwork to process any legal county request or you could get into some serious legal trouble.” Meantime she was very happy that she was able to keep her undocumented immigrant pooch, who has no papers or passport, in her condo apartment, even though she signed papers with the condo committee and lease agreement to the contrary.

In the spirit of the holidays, Presiding Officer Mr. Jingle and Minority Leader Mr. Bell, got the whole law making band of carolers together and sang songs of bipartisan cooperation and approved a contract agreement with Veolia Transportation to manage and operate Long Island Bus under a new name – Nassau Inter-County Express (N.I.C.E., instead of N.A.U.G.H.T.Y.) starting Jan. 1, 2012.

The drawback is that the bus company could raise fares after two years by gaining the approval of a special five-member transit committee. The county executive would select three members of the committee. And, appropriately, the legislature’s presiding officer and minority leader would each appoint one member.

Mr. Donner and Ms. Blitzen of the Anker’s Tinsel Service, Inc using the “It’s a Wonderful Life-Mr. Bailey Theory” pleaded guilty on the third day of Hanukkah for keeping all their gelt and failing to pay six employees the state required prevailing wage they were entitled for various projects, including one at Eisenhower Park. Seeing as how they got schnabbed (a combination of the words- securely and nabbed) in the act, Mr. Donner and Ms. Blitzen, agreed to make restitution, pay fines and will do so probably by the Easter/Passover holiday garnering most of the banks accumulated interest till then.

President of the Nassau Council of Chambers of Commerce, Mr. Grinch would like to extend his holiday wishes to all residents. Merry Christmas Christmas_Tree Lighting to all and a Happy Whatever, to the rest of us. To which, Tiny Timmy the Blogger responds, “May god help us...Everyone!“