Are Men the Weaker Sex or Just “Silly Putty” with DNA?

The other day, I was hanging out at my new favorite spot where I can drink from the bottle without rinsing it first or have to empty the dishwasher to find a glass to pour something that rhymes with “Sudweiser” into.

The group gathered there like the “bridge crew of the Starship Enterprise” got into a discussion about “the weaker sex” (which in this case happens to be MEN!)  From the day we are born to the day we pass through the pearly gates, we are seen as plyable globs in little colored  eggs  hoping to be “changed” (although at two and at fiftytwo they have two completely different meanings.)

By weaker, I mean that whatever habits, patterns, routines, styles we adopt throughout our lives must be purged the minute we adapt to them, for the  greater good of  “Womankind”.

This conversation was partially sparked by the often read articles of a fellow East Meadow blogger, who is highly intelligent, well respected and mixes a good deal of humor with her underlying points and digs, and is very outspoken in the role of “Mother/Wifehood.” 

The other part was sparked by a group of ladies with french tips who wanted to watch a particular “Season Finale” at OUR joint  involving adultery, backstabbing, backbiting, sarcasm and female angst (with sound) instead of the “a bunch of grown men in shorts that dribble, jump, sweat and swear” (which might have reminded them too much of the last playdate they hosted). You see, man by nature is a creature that needs only three things (food, sleep and affection...and not necessarily in that order.

Sports- whether we are participating, discussing or viewing, helps precipitate one of the three important essentials listed above. So why would females whine in unison, “my husband watches men in tights chase little spheres of stitched animal hide until he falls asleep in the chair?"  It is what we do!

Why after 8, 10,13, 16 years does this act surprise the female of our species? They knew what we were when they met us, where our genes came from and what we were destined to evolve into. Why did they think they could make a housecat from a leopard? We hid nothing! We are the hunter gatherers of the  species that speaks as well as grunts, sings and tweets ...the ones that from birth to death,  flatulate and laugh about it.  This is who we are!

Did they pick us just so they could change us? And why mold your teenage sons like “playdough”  into YOUR image- if in 10 years, HIS wife is going to remold them in her image? It is like no guy ever hears his wife say “we’re done,”  and the best we can hope to hear her say  "we’re done FOR TODAY!”

Why do they complain, “yesterday he left me no toilet paper, no tissues, no bathroom cups and the seat was left up and I almost fell in at 5 a.m. as I got up to get ready to head off to work? And the answer is because “it is of no consequence to our three fundamental elements.”

You want the ceiling light bulb in that same bathroom changed, you want the toilet to stop running like Niagra falls or you want a spider crawling down that  vanity mirror smushed– then we are ready, willing and able to do the deed. Not that females can’t do these tasks, it is just that these are our equivalent of climbing the castle tower  by hand and slaying the dragon, to show our princesses our devotion to them. Not scrubbing the Dungeon floor with Lysol liquid and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser for them.  

They complain that inevitably after we  wash up for the night, that the bathroom looks as if an orca and wookie  took a shower together. And that there is more back hair clogging the shower drain than on the floor of the pet groomer on Newbridge Road.  

But do not ask us to pick up “the ten wet vanity towels from the counter and  floor.”  That ain’t part of the deal! It was Love, honor , cherish, etc...not pick up after ones self. And I wish I had a nickel for every time I was harped on for something and I responded with,”the wrong tone of voice.” 

That is why man MUST be the weaker sex, because his ears are less sensitive (and not because of our premature deafness as women must think). I have never, ever, EVER had a male friend tell me in all my life, that the octave of my vocal response was making him upset and feel disrespected. No male I know of tells his wife, “come to bed now, because I’m going to sleep, and you always wake me up when you come to bed later than me and I have to get up very early tomorrow!”

But the Guinness World Record (not the beer) people have a page each year dedicated to how many times a wife will say that exact same phrase to her spouse.  Which believe it or not is usually followed by a comment about “snoring like a wildebeest!” So why is it that after all these years do they understand TV Talk shows better than us?